Committed, not consumed.

 In typical oldest daughter fashion, I have gotten so caught up in all the things I have to do and haven’t sat down in weeks to do what I want to do, which is to write this blog.

My bad y'all, but I swear I’m still here and thinking about you. And hey, since we’re here, let’s talk about some changes I’m making in my own personal life as someone with a lot of irons in the fire and a lot of expectations from others and (mostly) myself to always stay in a perpetual state of high performance.

One thing I want to make clear is I have realized this: it is good to be committed, but it is detrimental to be consumed.

When we are committed to something—a cause, a project, etc.—it is necessary to give our time and energy to it. It will leave our schedules booked and our minds organizing, administrating, and creating to make that thing the best it can be so that it can produce the change or outcome we want from it.

But the moment we step out of being committed and into being consumed, that’s when things go sideways. That’s when we stop giving ourselves time in the evening—even if just two hours—to wind down and to enjoy a hobby, watch that show we started on Netflix, call our grandmas on FaceTime, or go to that workout class we’ve been promising ourselves we’d start attending.

Because let me tell you this: if you are running yourself into the ground, it isn’t because of passion or loving something. It’s because of perfectionism, obsession, proving worth, fear, or a mix of all four.

Passion and love commit, they do not consume. Sure, in the beginning stages it can get blurry when you are full of adrenaline, seeing the shine of a new possibility and change. But as time goes on, it will be the commitment of passion, not the consuming flame of obsession or perfectionism, that will keep you safely in the game.

My life is deeply devoted to politics because I am deeply devoted to loving people well and protecting them and their rights and their opportunities to thrive—things everyone should have.

And I’ll be honest… sometimes it’s heavy, and if I’m not careful, "for the good of it" I will drop all my boundaries and give every minute of my life to it, thinking that if I "give up" my life it will somehow save someone else’s. But in the same way that fully abandoning your own identity dooms a romantic relationship, fully giving up all of your own personal joy and care will doom any cause you have committed to.

If you give up your sleep, you can’t think straight and strategically. If you give up your hobbies, you will see your responsibilities as something to dread. If you give up time in your relationships, you will start to feel alone and then lead poorly because you will use meetings and emails as the place to air your grievances and to feel heard and connected. If you give up your physical and mental health, you will become ill and unable to go where you need to go and do what you need to do for the cause to be what it needs to be. And if you choose to be codependent on the cause you initially loved and you trade in your commitment for being consumed, you will grow to resent the cause and either you will sabotage what you manage to produce or you’ll quit long before anything is ever truly done.

You are human (I know, I cringed a bit too at that statement).

You need nights out with your friends.

You need evenings on your grandmother’s back porch talking to your siblings and laughing with your dad.

You need to have that hour at barre or pilates to remind your body you love it and give it the strength to carry the burden of your call and cause.

You need to be bored—yes, bored—because the research doesn’t lie, and if you’re never bored you will never truly create or organize or invent anything worth being called a legacy for anyone else to carry on or reap the benefits of.

You need boundaries. I promise if you don’t learn to lock the doors of your time "at night" (aka when you should be resting and doing all the above things) that the monsters will get in and steal everything good from you. In my past, I thought the monsters were my friends and they ended up taking more from me than anyone will ever know, and I promise that in this season of life, with a cause as great as democracy and human rights, I will never leave the door unlocked in the night again.

There will always be a need. That cannot be your indicator for when to give. If it is, you will give everything until there is none of you left, and you will wonder why you are anxious, exhausted, and depressed.

So my darling, I want to encourage you: be committed, be passionate, run and run hard, but do not be consumed by all that calls your name. Do not be obsessed with fixing everything with your own two hands when the truth is—especially in this nation—it will take many hands for many years to fix what is broken. And don’t let fear dictate to you what your schedule or availability will be, because it will constantly chant "all day, every day" over and over because fear is blind. Oh, but hope? Hope sees the truth. Hope must be our perspective, and hope? Hope gives you peace to rest and hope gives you space to just be and hope lets you know that it doesn’t all have to be done right now by you, but that if we stay consistent and committed to the cause and to our own care and health, we will get to the bright and glorious day of restoration and justice.

Yes, I won’t stand here and lie to you—there is a cost to all of "this." To the call and the cause, there is sacrifice, and to lead it takes a high capacity. But even the greatest amongst us with the highest capacity needs a day off and a home-cooked meal.

In my faith practice, we take part in "Sabbath." It’s when God rested during creation and He beseeches us to do the same. And I have to believe that if the God of the universe needed a "Me day," well, then perhaps we do too. And even if you’re not religious, the metaphor and lesson stand just the same.

So I encourage you: put your phone on DND for an hour and go watch that show, cook your favorite meal, do pilates, or call your best friend.

I promise you will be more fit for the fight when you fit in some time for yourself.

Remember, we are called to burn on, not to burn out.

Even world-changers need a napping day every once in a while.

I’ll talk to you soon.

I love you and I’m proud of you and believe in you.

Jess, xoxo (Aka, Sissy)